DB'ing is soooo hard!

[2thepoint]

Rick - sorry I'm a little late to your post but you got some great feedback from some people who get it. So please pay attention and re-read their posts.

"...you examine yourself and see where you contributed to the M problems, you decide to learn from it and become a better person. You GAL and detach. You give the WAS time and quiet support. That's what the LBS does.

What does the WAS spouse do? It seems to me that they want time and understanding. During this time, everything becomes about them, all conversation is one sided, you get no affection, no consideration for your daily life or how you might be feeling. You get to watch your WAS put all their efforts into a life without you, you get to be exposed to their EA and/or PA. You get discarded, shat on constantly, and you have to perfectly understand their needs and walk on eggshells but they can say and do anything without any sense of the selfishness of it. You try to understand where they are and help create an environment for them to heal and they could care less about yours. You hear endless revisionistic versions of your life with them, that always paint you in a dark light. You support your family without their help and in fact in spite of it. You do your best to empathize, you provide encouragement where you can, and you get nothing in return. They refuse to work on the R at all, while you will do anything to better it."

In a nutshell, you are correct. But, rather that post this as a question filled with doubt, how about posting simply as statement about what DB'ing is all about? Because you have captured it perfectly.

You have to remember that the WAS spent many months preparing to drop the bomb. Some may have even prepared for years to muster the courage to tell their spouse that they are done. So, given that set of facts, why would you think that in the span of a month or two or three the WAS would feel compelled to come running back into the arms of the LBS.

The decision to leave the marriage is HUGE and both parties know this. That is why it is so hard to reverse course. Knowing this, the best you can do is to continue to do what you are doing with the full knowledge that it may or may not result in the renewal of your marriage.

What you can be assured of however, is that you will continue to improve YOU and that will be a huge advantage for you in the future, wherever it may lead.

Finally, it is important to remember that TIME is your friend, if you allow it to be. Make the most of the TIME you have.

I hope this makes sense.