Where to next?

[mishka422]

My logical mind knows that none of it was directly my fault. I take ownership of what I know I've contributed to certain situations but the rape is one I don't claim in any way.

Knowing that in my direct thoughts is different than pulling down the walls that I erected to protect myself from people who hurt me.

Gabe is one of those people. My fear of him running again stops me from telling him anything I'm feeling or what I want. Heck, I've never been able to tell him what I want. There was one time early in our marriage I opened up him about what I was feeling and he shut me down so fast my head was spinning. Ever since that, a HUGE wall went up and I share nothing about my feelings.

Round and round and round we go....blah blah blah......time to shut up now. I sound like a broken record and I'm ticking myself off. I can't imagine what you guys are thinking!!! You want to shoot me I'm sure.