The holidays are here and our situations make them tougher. We have choices to make in the coming new year - continue to DB, throw in the towel, what presents to buy, etc...We have continued to do things together as a family - movies, amusement parks, etc. But at night we go our separate ways.
I have noticed that my W has pulled away more recently. When we have convos about our day, she really doesn't share much, "Oh, the same old stuff." I am trying to establish some sort of connection - yeah I know 2X4 for trying for something that isn't there. But we used to talk during the work day and then when she got home.
I understand the season has a lot of meaning for all of us. This will be the fourth one without her father. The first one since she has dropped the bomb.
How would I go about asking her about what is going on? I don't want to have a R talk but just a connection about feelings. I know now that to share feelings with one another is like a R talk but when you have been with someone 12+ years you just know something is wrong.
This would be a 180 for me to ask her. She was always the one to put the question to me.
Does this make any sense or am I just pushing her away?
M 38 W 50 S 9, D 6 T 12 M 10 W's 1st EA 4/2007 stopped after confront W's 2nd EA 6/2010 Separated 7/2010 I bomb dropped 7/2010 MC 2/2011 - 3/2011 W bomb dropped 4/2011 Nothing filed or done
It sounds like you're trying to justify making a connection to soothe your own needs during this emotional time.
And I'm not trying to sound harsh... I get it. I was just walking across the street to our company luncheon and a co-worker off-handedly said, "I'm so ready to get into 2012"... and all I could think of was, the last thing I want is next year to come. That's the year all this potentially comes apart.
If she wants to confide in you she will. Maybe others will chime in... it may be ok to ask, just once, "you seem more down than normal, are you ok?" and if she blows you off then you're done asking that. BUT, realize she already knows where to find you and how to talk to you. She's just choosing not to do it.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
