Rick- thanks! I'll try to keep 'what am I telling myself' in mind when I start to feel down.
My awakening in the middle of the night in panic- I think had to do with a dream, but I can't remember. The rest of today, I've been thinking about the holidays- and that seems to bring on a mired of emotions/realizations...
- My H won't be here to celebrate thanksgiving nor Christmas next year. This is the last holiday to celebrate as a family and we will only be together on Xmas day- then go to our separate family houses frown
- We always used to take a family picture on Xmas morning (before the destruction begins)...we won't do that this year.
- We won't get to do our tradition of New Year's drink and kisses
So I guess I'm in the self-pity form today (based on the above post)

Anyone have suggestions/solutions for the family photos on the wall? I have a variety of all of us, just me and the boys, my H and the boys and the boys together and individual. For my boys sake, I know that they need to see their family together and mom & dad.... but seeing them when I walk down the stairs and when I sit in my living room (which is everyday) is becoming really painful. I started to tear up knowing that my baby's last family photo will be the one we took on his first birthday. Then it really hit me: he's to young to remember us as 'together', he will never know his mom and dad as married- that kills me.

I need something to get me our of this funk...


M-31, H-31
T-9, M-7
S-6, s-20mth
sep 8/1/11
ILYNILWY 11/29/11
Creating separation papers.
Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12
H moves out 1.20.12