You get an I on the homework. There is a book associated with helping you exercise your mind the right way. Read that Book. It has a lot of good ideas for working on the though processes & how to approach them.
And that means dealing with legit issues. So you can learning if you are overrreacting or if not.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Thanks H. I'm a little embarrassed that this gets to me the way it does.....and by the fact that I actually have that book within arms reach. But at least I can say no "I" for me. It was suggested by my IC a couple years ago and I had it filed away with the others from last year.....my own library of personal flaws.
This situation is so similar to a traumatic experience I had before; hard to be objective about it. Even after re-reading the book it's hard to know how legit some of the issues are. But I am, clearly, a slow learner in this regard so I'll keep at it.
By the way I leveled with my W last night. Used the DBing principles, kept it *very* short, calm. It went ok, she seemed to understand, and we agreed on a plan on how to deal with it in the future. Basically, she gave me permission to be annoyed, just not with her.
I'm curious if you read the book. i found the approach to be very DB like. In fact the part about GAL was better than the stuff in any DB book. It also seem kinda suspicious to me.
LOL
anywho I think I have a few thoughts.
Clearly, you can't control Boss and his inappropriate behavior. You seem to be spending a lot of emotion energy on this thing that you have no control over in any way. I know it can be hard to let it go.
That is something that you just have to deal with. I mean certainly your W could be more proactive, but I think 2 forces are at play. People like attention and He is her Boss. I think people sometimes find it hard to stand up to their bosses even when the boss is crossing potentially illegal lines.
I too get the feeling of competition with my W's work at times. I mean here we are on vacation and she spent a lot of yesterday texting co-workers. Not that she was rude about it, but It did bug me, but I did not let it show at all. I don't get it because I have never been like that about work and this is the first time my W has been like that about a job. I talked to my MIL and it seems that her Father is a lot like this and it too drives my MIL crazy at times. I've talked to him about it as well and he's realizes that he missed a lot of things because is work focus. But I think this is a lesson that she has to get for herself.
Hope your holidays are grand.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
I see GAL in a lot of these books. Maybe it's just an obvious first step. After all what's better than advice that doesn't require health insurance or a perscription, and couldn't possibly result in a malpractice suit? It's the advice we'd get from our buddies when they'd listen to us moan about a breakup, then drag us out of the house to a party even though we didn't want to go. I think we'd all agree it helps, even though we don't always do it.
Maybe it's simple. I have a good-looking, smart, fun-loving wife, who prefers to hang and joke with the guys and tends to end up as the center of attention. I'm a regular joe - I've got some skills, sure, but I've also had the bad past experience of having a long term gf have an A with my best friend, who is similar in many way to W's boss. So a situation - whatever it is, and other's do seem to agree it is at best "odd" - that others would address more calmly gets me all stirred up.
So I'm not (even close to) perfect.
But I did manage to throw a pretty good birthday party last night.....
