While I'm not hugely experienced with Rs, I have been in a few and their ends are generally nothing like this. Yes, there's feelings of sorry, maybe regret... but not what's seen in these types of sitches...
Most of the Rs I've had, I've been able to regain and maintain good friendships with. There's generally no ill will. I guess it's that whole understanding that there is no pressure from either party to try to rekindle something that just wasn't working for either party.
It appears that for those who continue to be willing to share their experiences of their "MLCer", there remains what appears to be huge stress in the MLCer, regarding what appears to be their sense of feeling pressure from the LBS.
In my sitch, and I'm thinking Bea's and Antonia's and a few others on this board, I really am good with not being with my W. I'm not saying it doesn't still hurt (I believe this hurt is still more about missing my kids and not the lost love of my W) and I like to keep my distance as much as possible to help heal any latent hurt...
it appears that anything that even remotely involves "intimate" conversation (like talking to a friend who is telling us about something going on in their life), feels like pressure to the LBSer.
If I am perfectly honest here, if my W engaged me in convo about how difficult things have been for her and how torn she's been, I might open up that box of hope on the shelf. But I'm pretty sure I know better and wouldn't.
At this time I don't want to share events with my W which can be duplicated, but what remains is what I said above. When both parties are OK... TRULY OK with the intimacy of an R being over (not saying both LIKE it, just that they are OK with it), then I have found no barrier to maintaining a healthy friendship, even if it's not a close and intimate friendship.
The MLCer just can't seem to do that... to me... that still suggests huge inner turmoil for them... nothing we can do about that...
