Cadet is usually one of the first to pop in, or cat, to say how the MLCer may have a completely different meaning to saying things to the LBS.
That's generally a 2x4 to remind us LBSers to not mind read. And that when we know we are doing well detaching, we know better than to try to figure out why.
Like Bea's story about the nephew-in-law... my W did something similar very recent. Of course, I generally do not get random communication. She usually intersperses this "fluff" in a logistical conversation.
So my W tells me that my niece is interested in some heirlooms that are at our house and that my niece may contact me about it.
Is she trying to connect or did she have a convo w/ my niece that went along the lines of "i want that crap out of my house" to which my niece responded she'd take the stuff if I was OK with it.
The point is, there is no way to know why. And she then used it as a point of attack (when I asked her to stay focused on the topic at hand) by saying she was just giving me a "heads up". Of course she was. I believe her. Again, the point isn't the "nice, head's up", but rather her crossing boundaries I have stated and then attacking me when I remind her of the boundaries.
My W said my niece might contact me, not I should contact my niece. See... I'm analyzing, already...
They either have no idea they are trying to connect (and often get pissed when they realize they did) or they are trying to connect and just have no idea how to do it in a way the LBS might respond positively.
And the whole "blood thicker than water" thing. I have heard stories of the LBS and the in-laws maintaining a close R. There are many examples here.
Yet when I asked my mom about whether she would maintain an R w/ my W or the in-laws, irrelevant of my trouble with my W, she hesitated and basically said she didn't think so (with attached reasons which weren't necessarily negative).
So the point here is, while I think it is sad (that my mom... anyone in my family nor my friends) that people will choose sides, it is their choice... I have no idea how to bridge that to any more than being as cordial as possible when there IS contact, without the LBS appearing needy and pursuing...
