that I am over-analyzing the situation and making more of it than it is.
Can you see why you are over-analyzing? Do you see where the root of this is coming from. I have an idea but wanted to see where you are at.
Also, what is over-analyzing doing to YOU? Pssst….hint….if you are focused on HIM then you are NOT focused on ?????
Yes Eric , I know why I over-analyze: Trust and fear still linger in me . When I do over-analyze, it makes me feel miserable and unsure of everything. Yes, I need to focus on me. I am meeting friends for drinks at 5. H is not aware as i just decided.
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Asking him is quite normal and it is a good thing that you have stopped bringing it up.
Question….what does the word “attraction” mean to YOU? What is it? What does it look like? What makes it? Etc.
Attraction is confidence, security, intelligence, genuiness, inner beauty, loyalty, etc. This is my definition.
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Saying and DOING are TWO different things. What I have learned in this journey is that the more we focus on them, the M, the problems, the LESS time and ENERGY we spend focusing on ourselves and what makes us HAPPY. We always say who or what makes us happy, yet we but this burden on someone else. We are happy IF they make us feel happy, We are happy IF they do what WE want to do. Think about this DU. What is it that would REALLY make YOU happy? Don’t tell me HUBBY, that isn’t the answer I am looking for but if it is your answer….do you see anything wrong with it?
I guess I have been more worried about his happiness than my own because i know he is depressed and I want to be supportive. But I am going about it the wrong way. I am letting his depression get me down. What would make me happy is to enjoy my life. Travel the world. Experience things that I like to do and things that I haven't done. Don't get me wrong, I want my M to work out, but I don't want to be miserable because he is not happy.
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“or so he says”….looks like TRUST is an issue and although I understand it (Lord knows I am dealing with it myself)…it is something that YOU must deal with. The more time you spend questioning things from a negative perspective, the more things will look and FEEL suspicious. Once again, if you were really focused on YOU then you may not notice some of these things.
Trust is still an issue and I am having diffculty in achieving success in this area. I think my first realt turn around in the trust department since my H came home was this morning in not questioning and pushing about last night and not inferring what my mind was making up. I can see how the questioning is troubling to him. I will focus on me.
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Did you make dinner for him? If so, then you could very well have said to him. Next time I would appreciate it if you called to say you were going to be late. Be YOURSELF DU. Say what you mean and feel. I can already see FEAR in your post. A fear that you could loose him. Stop it.
I will keep stressing how important it is for YOU to live your life. For YOU to take control over your happiness. He should want to follow YOU and be a PART of YOUR happiness – not vice versa. When someone is truly happy, they glow, they radiate, they exude a confidence that cannot be FAKED. Please DU, take some time to find out what will really make you happy and then go do it!
Yes, I did make dinner. You are right, I should not have "cowarded" and told him that I wished he had called. He did want to follow me when I focused on me. I guess I was trying to make up for lost time and began focusing on him more than myself. I did not do this all the time. For instance, while he watched TV, I kept up with my running which made me feel good about my looks. I went to work and continued to see friends occasionally. I always felt guilty because he doesn't spend time with friends, so I stopped.
That is why I am going out again tonight - I think it is more important and just needed to be reminded that having my OWN life makes me attractive, makes me happy, makes me desireable.
You always know what to say...DU
Peace, Eric [/quote]
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
