Experienced a little back sliding with a silver lining. Last night I engaged in a conversation with my wife during a lapse in my 180. I realize now how hurt she is. For the past several years she felt as though she was walking on eggshells and she never knew how I would take things if she attempted to bring them up. She actually got to the stage that she was afraid to talk to me about anything. This hit me like a ton of bricks – I had no idea! I feel very ashamed and profoundly sorry for the pain I caused her. I explained that this situation has been a catalyst for change. I explained that I am for the first time in my life swallowing my pride and getting professional help. I explained that I do not want to go back to the unhealthy relationship of my depression and anger and what she views as her enabling behavior. I am going to move into my apartment in a couple of weeks. I put down the deposit because I did not want to lose the place. Not my first choice, but she does not need to see the person that treated her so badly. She said she is already noticed a difference and that she is very happy for me. She is, however, steadfast in her conviction that we are not good for one another and it is over. I very softly told her how sorry I was for all that happened. I am totally lost. Is there a chance? I try to be positive and GAL – 180, but it is a tremendous challenge because right now my only goal is to get another chance (I know this is wrong). Do I move out and give up – just concentrate on me instead? Very embarrassed and ashamed right now….
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
