Thanks for the responses so far! I sure need all the help I can get. I know I need to detach, but it's so damn hard. I try my best not to get emotional, but even as I'm writing this I'm starting to cry.
When he packed his bag yesterday morning, I didn't say anything. I didn't ask him to stay, I didn't beg or cry. It's like he's been waiting for me to tell him to go away, always asking me if I understood why he needs space. I told him he should do what he needs to do. Maybe it's because he said he was only going for a few days, but I know that the few days will not fix anything. I know this will be a long journey.
He called last night wanting to talk to our S. Even though our S is 4, he can still sense that something is not right. He didn't really want to talk to him, but I encouraged at least a few sentences. I thought my H would be done talking, but he then talked to me for a few minutes telling me about his office party. I know it's I have to be pleasant towards him, but it's so hard not to give him the cold shoulder either.
I know he's hurting and his emotions are on overload, and he may be saying things that are not true (I hope). I had been telling him that I see how he thinks that I hurt him and I admit to making mistakes and not returning his affection as I should have, but he then said that he made only one mistake, that he allowed himself to let me into his heart. That's so hard to hear, that he feels that our 13 years together was a mistake.
A little more background on my H. He has a lot of unresolved emotional issues. He's been adopted twice - at birth and at age 5. His mom and dad from the second adoption separation shortly after he was adopted, and he passed away when H was 7. He grew up with a single mom. Almost 5 years ago, he found his birth mom. At first, their relationship was great, kind of like a honeymoon period. Then, it started to get shaky. He has many grudges against her for giving him up, etc. At the same time, he's happy to know his "new" family, has a brother and sister now. They've been trying to work on their relationship for a while and hadn't seen each other in 3 years. He's been telling his bio-mom about our stuff, and she suggested to get away for a few days to visit them. He did that last weekend. Came back even more distant. It seems that he's got so much on his mind that he needs to deal with. He's also blamed me for not being there for him and helping him with this new relationship with his bio-mom. I had told him many times that he needs to figure out for himself what he wants to do, and whatever the decision, I'd be there to support him. I never had anything against them, never said anything negative. But he is blaming me for making me choose between them and me. He's always felt that he was caught in the middle and had to please everyone. I had told him many times over that it was not his job to please everyone. He should do what makes him happy.
As for GALing...hmm, my MIL said she's going to get me a gym membership for XMas and would be happy to come watch my S. I've joined a meetup group a while back, but the meetings are infrequent. I'm hoping things will pick up after the holidays. I'm hoping to pick up another hobby, but may have to wait and see what will happen. If my H wants a longer separation, then finances will be tight and I may need to look to move to a less expensive place. He's brought up sharing custody a few times, so I have no idea how long he's been brewing this up and if he's really serious about quitting for good. What gets me is that just 2 months ago he was asking me what I like and don't like about him, what he should change and that he wants to be a better man. Then, a month later, we're in this mess.
