I mean, you examine yourself and see where you contributed to the M problems, you decide to learn from it and become a better person. You GAL and detach. You give the WAS time and quiet support. That's what the LBS does.
What does the WAS spouse do? It seems to me that they want time and understanding. During this time, everything becomes about them, all conversation is one sided, you get no affection, no consideration for your daily life or how you might be feeling. You get to watch your WAS put all their efforts into a life without you, you get to be exposed to their EA and/or PA. You get discarded, shat on constantly, and you have to perfectly understand their needs and walk on eggshells but they can say and do anything without any sense of the selfishness of it. You try to understand where they are and help create an environment for them to heal and they could care less about yours. You hear endless revisionistic versions of your life with them, that always paint you in a dark light. You support your family without their help and in fact in spite of it. You do your best to empathize, you provide encouragement where you can, and you get nothing in return. They refuse to work on the R at all, while you will do anything to better it.
Yeah, I'm bitchin about this. I'm typing this at the dining room table while my wife is upstairs on the phone with the OM.
Somebody tell me, help me out. How can DB'ing work at all? I feel like I'm just enabling my W to be more self centered, more able to have her cake and eat it to.
When you are tearing yourself apart in self evaluation, working so honestly to improve, and provising support and you have so much pain from your S, how does this work?
Really, can this work for people? Why would a spouse who has run away, and is so one sided reverse and see that their M is worth saving? It seems like the better person you become, the more supportive and understanding you become, the less the WAS cares.
