sunshine I also have tried to quit and it is on my list of changes I need to do. I am trying the electric one and see how it works. Truthfuly I like smoking Good luck with it. It really is a nasty habit.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Yeap they have no clue. I tried the electric ones but had a reaction. Will give it a second try. I have also tried the inhalers that helped. My appetite for food was about the same but my appetite for ML increased. W was not into it so went back to smoking.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Oh well atleast I get a week to just focus on myself and try to figure out how to get back into the drivers seat of my life. Quite frankly I am tired of feeling like a blindfolded passenger that has no say in where they are going. Maybe it is a good thing that I am getting irritated by this whole situation? Maybe it will help me to begin detaching a little!
Sunshine - This is good.
You may not have a choice at what your partner is doing to your r with her.. but you DO have a choice on how you let your sitch affect you.
The choices are good and bad, positive and negative, promotes growth or stunts it... honestly... they are endless.
Don't be afraid. Get back in the driver's seat. Take back control of your life.
It is only once you get back in control that you can make better decisions.. More loving decisions. It's only then that you can begin working towards creating a better you... and as well know.. creating a better you is the best chance you stand at getting your m back.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Hey Val, thanks for your support. Today has been very strange and I don't really know what to make of it. As of right now I cannot see myself being intimate with my w again and I have absolutely zero desire to date anyone else. I want and deserve to be with someone that loves me. I think that I am just so hurt at how she handled all of this that I feel like the ball is in her court now. I am exhausted from doing backflips trying to please her. I guess if I am exhausted from trying to please her than I really have not been doing a very good job of implementing the DB principles and I have been doing more caretaking than caregiving.
I don't know... living by myself and becoming the crazy dog/cat lady is sounding more and more appealing.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
"My appetite for food was about the same but my appetite for ML increased. W was not into it so went back to smoking."
If you think about it replacing your W with smoking is actually a good financial decision. Smoking may be expensive, but it doesn't come close to the cost of being married.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
Definite EA more than likely PA confirmed!!! I just woke up from having a bad dream about my W and I just had a gut feeling so I checked her email which is something I have not done in a couple of months. Well low and behold I find out that she is buying this OW a GPS system and staying with her while she is out of town. She went to visit "family" about a month and a half ago. I asked her if she stayed in the same hotel that we had previously stayed in and she said no that she couldn't remember the name.
I am so effing mad and hurt right now. I think the only reason I am posting is to stop me from throwing my computer. I don't understand this. She has always been honest to a fault and now she is telling all of these lies!!
I feel like such an effing idiot! It's not like she is cheating on me because she did say that she wanted to date other people, but I out and out asked her on several occasions if there was someone else and I could see it in her eyes that she wasn't telling the truth which made me absolutley crazy.
Back to square one. I don't even know what to do at this point. I know, I know go have fun... Well it's 1:33am here and quite frankly all I feel like doing is crying.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
So sorry sunshine. They say in here to believe non of what they say and only 50% of what you see. You must become a women that only a fool would leave. What are you doing for yourself? What activities have you tried that are new? You have to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. Work out, get new clothes, new hair style. Try to look sexy at all times. Regarding the snooping, there 2 trains of thoughts. Some say not to others say do it to get all the info. I say do what you think you can handle best. Hang in there
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Hey Rick, thank you very much for your support. I am really struggling with going out and meeting new people...
Money is really tight right now because I am going back to school. I just recently got a part-time job with a catering company, but they are overstaffed so they have not needed me. I have been trying to find another job and that is not going well.
I totally understand the importance of going out and getting a life, but I have to admit the depression of losing my relationship, not being able to find a job and being broke is kicking my a$$.
We were getting along so well before she left. She was trying on diffrent outfits and asking me my opinion. If I knew that I was dressing her for the OW my choices would have been much diffrent
Once again I thank you and everyone else on this forum!! I am wishing everyone here peace of mind and strength.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
Sunshine there are many activities that are free or cost very little. Try Church, meet up, support groups. etc. Give melatonim a try. It does not cost much and will help with sleep and the depression.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Good luck with it. It really is a nasty habit.
