Don't know how much longer I can endure this!

[tested metal]

Well I appologized to W about the passive aggressiveness. She then told me that she had to switch her work schedule around for the holidays so she can take D for 5 days to her parents for x-mas, so I had to switch my schedule around to accomodate hers.

I told her that my schedule was already set and that I would have been happy to accomodate if I would have had notice sooner. She then used the "I guess you don't want to spend time with your daughter before she goes then." I told her I'd be happy to take her overnight for the days she had to switch, but she needs to make arrangements during the day as I have to be at work. I also slipped and called her out on her passive aggressive statement of using the D to make me feel guilty. She just smiled.

I guess we'll see how this goes.

I noticed that I had been answering the phone and texts right away when she called and she has been coming up with these last minute requests for me to take care of D everytime, like I have to drop everything I am doing to accomodate her. I am going to start to set a boundary with this. I need a little bit of a life too.

I want time with my D and would be happy to have her, but I need more notice and I have informed W of this.

Change is hard, but I am willing to do the work.

[tested metal]

I think i am starting to detatch more. I have finally have set in my mind that my W is "dead".

It may sound crazy but I pretty much imagine that she is the 6 feet under type of "dead" as I know she will not ever return like I knew her.

I now picture her present self as the evil, B@&*^@q*&TY, crazy twin sister who has joint custody of D. When I think of it in that light I somehow feel relieved because it seems less personal. It is also easier to set boundaries with her when i think of her this way.

I am even begining to look her straight in the eye as before it was too painful.

I am hope this is the beginning to turning a corner in my life and I am ready to start working on me.

In the next week, W will have D for a week sans x-mas eve, so I am going to use that time to be on vacation, work out, do the things I want to do, and go out with friends at least once.

Another funny thing is that all of a sudden, all of my friends that I had pre-marriage and lost contact with during the marriage are contacting me out of the blue. This is really weird. It is like my life is coming back full circle to before I was married and it is just landing in my lap.

[tested metal]

W texted me twice in an hour this morning asking to "talk." Then she called. I did not answer. She left a message crying saying that it was not an emergency and that she missed me and to call back if I want to.

I will not call back. I have learned from others mistakes. I still have more detatching to do as I felt the twinge in my gut when I heard the message and part of me wanted to call.

I am sticking to my guns.

[tested metal]

She called again today! I let voicemail take it. She opened with reporting what time I can pick up D form her apt. tomorrow. She then said that she wants to be friends and be friendly to each other. (I have been the whole time).

Anywho, I am keeping my head down and having no unnecessary contact with her. I am cordial and friendly but am keeping dark.

If I am out of line please let me know. I am doing this for me as I don't want to get hurt again. I am trying to keep off the rollercoaster and have sat down on the curb.

[tested metal]

Wow! The rest of the story.... So I responded to W via e-mail saying I got her message and would pick up D at said agreed time tomorrow and nothing more. I got a text from mutual friend/landlord reporting that W was having dinner at my residence with her and then later when she left. I was at work during the time.

Apparently W overstayed her welcome; made an excuse to go downstairs where I live to get D's clothing (long story) and spent an extraordinary long time down there. (maybe spying) ?

Then she tells landlord that she Kicked out OM because he made an ultimatum that she either spend more time with him and less with D and her friends or he would leave. She apparently kicked him out.

This almost convinces my theory that W is co-dependant. As she is already seeking my comfort of 2 other guys.

As for me, I am keeping low as I know this is only a hiccup and I will not be the one to hinder her journey by taking her back too soon as I did last year.

I have been GALing pretty good so far, sans the information thrown at me today, but have not let it affect my decision of going back now.

It is funny that she has decided to do this now. I just got done confiding with landlord last night (who is totally on my side and is pro marriage) about my getting closer to getting closer on her choices and that her being like I knew her is dead to me. It is almost like W sensed it and decided to throw a wrench in the system to test me.

(For humorist reasons) I now see the MLC as a zombie. THey were once the loved one you knew and look like them, but aren't them anymore. You have to let them go. They still want to eat your brains/suck your soul, but don't let them.

Remember if an MLC says they want to "pick your brain" that might be a signal to get the heck out! :P

I now have the voice in my head that says "Don't let them pick your brain , Ted." ( My name's not Ted; it just sounded good with the phrase.

[ericmsant2]

Tested

THey were once the loved one you knew and look like them, but aren't them anymore.

May come a time buddy when you can look back on the good times while at the same time not caring if they are a zombie or not.

Eric

[tested metal]

I had a great x-mas with my father, daughter, and my new step-family. I made sure to make a connection with new step-sisters and step-mom.

It's funny, because I am used to being in a family with all boys, it is refreshing to have sisters now! They also give me the female perspective which is nice.

I had my daughter for x-mas eve and we had a great time. W was digging her heels in that she wanted to have Daughter from Dec. 22- Dec 28, but now she is asking if i want to take her on the night of the 28th. I already have to work that night so i declined. It seems like just another power trip for her.

I am enjoying my vacation and I have been busy working on things I have neglected in the past such as cleaning and restringing my guitar, getting back to the gym for exercise, and general cleaning of my place.

Happy holidays to all!

[tested metal]

Ugh. Some "friends" decided to impart knowledge on me that W has been using her saturdays to go to hockey games with OM. Meanwhile she is telling me she has to work the nights that she is going out. The problem is that she has figured out a way to get me to have D for the night, even though I have to work those nights until 2 am and D wakes up at 5 am half the time leaving me with very little sleep.

Here's her MO: W asks friend that I am staying with to watch D, while she is "working" until 2 am. W knows full well that I would feel guilty and it makes no sense for her to pick up D at 2 am., transport her to her place, only for me to pick D up at 10:30 am. I want D to be safe and get her sleep, but I would like to get sleep too. Maybe I got to suck it up. If it wouldn't impact D, I would set a boundary. I guess I should just enjoy the extra time I have with her.

Apparently the OM is still living with her (big surprise).

As for me, I noticed last night that I have some huge suppressed anger towards W because I am feeling very used by her actions. When I have my own place more detatching hopefully will be easier.

I have decided to join a gym today to let off steam and for my own good health. On another good note, people now have been coming up and complimenting me on how I am dealing with this and how snazzy I now look. Apparently I got some fashion sense knocked in to me and didn't even know it!

1 more day and I get to see D. I am stoked! I got all her new toys set up and can't wait to roughhouse with her!

[tested metal]

The exercise felt great! So W texted me an hour ago asking if I wanted to go out to dinner with her and D to talk about her work changes. I can't because I am taking care of D and friend's 2 kids for the night. No problem there.

My question is how would the rest of you handle the situation if she asks again?

Personally, I am so burnt by her right now that I don't want to see her for a while. I need to work on me. I also don't want to burn that bridge of having possible communication in the future either. I just don't feel ready yet and the holidays are making it worse.

If I went to dinner I would have to have no expecations, but I think that honestly I would be expecting her to be done with OM, which I will never have proof of that happening. I also don't want her cake eating with me.

Any thoughts?

[Mach1]

Separate checks ?




What CAN you handle ????


What can you handle without expectations ????