Too little, Too late.

[purgatory]

bren, thanks for reminding me that the paper doesn't mean the end... although it sure feels that way. I want H to go off with a peace of mind and not worrying what I might do while he's gone. I guess I'll have to sign something before he leaves.

advina- I think that it might help my sitch if I could take the pressure off too. I am having a really tough time accepting that this is where my life is going, but the fact is: it's going. and I need to get on board

H came home today and told me that the job has changed. He is now going to Bahrain (MUCH safer!) but that he has to leave in April... the good with the bad.
I'm happy and relieved that it's Bahrain now- he spent 3 years off and on there during our first duty station- so he's comfortable with how to live in that city. He'll be in an apartment (instead of a tent in the desert) and will have regular access to a computer... all positives. But now, he's leaving much sooner and he feels the need to rush to get the papers done. I was able to negotiate that we make a 'semi-separation' paper that just states the expectations for finances and kids, then we can do the 'long and detailed' paper when he gets back. That seemed to ease the stress of finding a lawyer and negotiating out all the details of our future- which should be done carefully and not rushed. (so maybe that was good compromise that made him feel I'm accepting it instead of fighting it?)
Unfortunately, things turned to a R discussion. He said some things, and I just took it all in:
"I don't think i can be happy with you", "I don't love you", "your long term goal should be getting used to me dating", "I didn't leave you sooner because I loved you and I thought we could work through it", "I am leaving knowing that I gave it my best effort, I gave 100% to try and make things work", "I can't wait until we can be friends again, I miss you as my friend", "I'm afraid to be nice to you right now because I think you'll take it as 'a chance'", "what we had; having fun and being happy every once and a while, is not what I think love should be", "I have the right to be loved and happy."
He was so calm, never raised his voice. He seems so certain that this is the right path for him to be on. Maybe he's not really in a MLC? I have to be honest, this takes away every little bit of hope that I had left. I only said a few things back, that affirmed his choice: "I know it must have been hard for you to be unhappy for so long."
I did slip up at one point and said: "it's really sad that you can't even conceive that you and I could fall in love again." He didn't respond, and didn't seem to get upset.
We ended the talk with his telling me that it's ok for me to ask questions or share these feelings with him- in fact, he said "don't ever keep them from me."

I feel so lost now. His confidence/calmness was convincing.