The Crazy Train

[AntoniaB]

I would like to offer what I might call "exhibit A", a note that XH wrote to me after a fight we had in 2009 LONG before he even met OW, but after his initial MLC trigger. In his words:

"The 'old me' and the 'new me' are in conflict. Old me was content and happy while the new me is never content and only happy when intoxicated. I'm trying to resolve the two and it's like living with a split personality. "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde' so to speak. I know you are right about my drinking and driving and being stupid. I can't argue that. I overestimated the number of beers I drank to sound cool--to try and impress you with my stupid bravado like I was in high school or something. When you critcized me for it I felt emasculated and hurt. It backfired on me. When you locked me out of our house it hurt even worse and that is why I came in on the verbal attack. When you broke that picture it broke my heart but there was no way in hell I was going to show it. I'm a tough guy."

(you can see here his confusion and evidence of my subsequent irrational behavior towards him. I had a real anger problem then if someone didn't measure up to my expectations. It's hard to know I could be that way...but you see here, the "evidence" of the confusion in their minds).