Thanks for the kinds words, 2. They are absolutely accurate in my case and I will re-read them often and will take them to heart, even though it is becoming more difficult to be patient. I am working my tail off and, although W has occassionally acknowledged my efforts (a small, positive sign), our R dynamic has changed very little.
The R continues to be up and down. Two days ago, my W invited me to join her and the kids in looking at Christmas lights. It was a short, fun trip. I took it as a positive. Later the same night, however, W brought up Christmas and said that spending several days together "as a family" felt "forced" and "awkward" because "of the situation between us" and that she feels "trapped" in the house. W said we don't talk about things. I said that I thought that is what she wanted. She said that is what she wants. W then said that I can do whatever I want but she has to take care of the kids. (This statement is totally false: W has been doing dinners and taking time whenever she wants and I have been fully supportive.) I validated but I could see in her eyes that she was very angry. (She rarely makes eye contact with me when we talk now and often is doing something else like watching TV or looking at the newspaper.) I told her that I cared for her tremendously and that Christmas is supposed to be a good time of year and that I was willing to set up the holidays in whatever way she wanted. I also told her I was willing to give her space to figure out the "situation between us" for herself (probably some backsliding there). I asked her to keep an open heart about the process. (More backsliding).
On the one hand, W has not mentioned D in several weeks. She sends me TMs with pictures of the kids, has been very encouraging about the possbility of a new work opportunity, and has noticed a few of my efforts around the house (I have addressed/fixed many things that in the past she said bothered her). On the other hand, she has not said anything indicating that she is thinking positively or at all about the R/M. Her heart seems closed off to me.
