What do I do next? Part 3

[workinghardguy]

The book "How to Fix Your Marriage Without Saying Anything" does a great job exploring this, and the difference between the genders.

Men typically don't leap until they have a place to land (i.e. another woman). And if that landing place isn't all it's cracked up to be then they may be willing to jump back (or jump elsewhere).

Women tend to not want to jump, period. But they will if they feel alone and secluded. Because of how they are wired, they have a need to connect and attach. If they consider themselves to be alone in the R, then the lack of attachment creates a pain and dissonance they resolve by leaving. At least now they are alone without the dissonance.

Why the woman feels alone can vary greatly. Depression, unemotional husband, the wife's own issues that preclude true attachment, a spouse's issues that preclude attachment, etc... And of course these are all great generalities.

My own personal take is that I believe it is why couples without kids have a harder time at any recon (or one reason at least). The W has an attachment with her kids. The divorce threatens that as well as the children mourn and get angry. This threatens that attachment and creates a different kind of dissonance. Then the W has to choose whether to try again in the hopes to resolve the new dissonance or just deal with it. They may deal with it through medication, self-medication, depression, new guy, or other solutions.

That's the part where the LBH has to have a different perspective on being married, do things differently, and keep the road home paved and smooth. If they can't come back then they'll just find other ways to deal with it.