Where to next?

[mishka422]

The complication of being in love with my xh and living with him day in/day out, being a 'couple' without knowing if it means anything at all is so wearing on me.

So wearing in fact that I broke last night. All the walls came crashing down and the smile dropped off my face right in front of him. I was trying to hide that I was crying while I was putting laundry away but he caught it. He asked why I was crying and I couldn't speak. I just broke....you know, like a dam breaking. It became racking sobs that were ripping me apart. He put his arms around me and held me while I cried for what appeared to him to be no reason. I finally did choke out that apparently there were just too many years of bottled up emotion and it finally spilled out. I didn't feel it was the right time to tell him what I was feeling about him. It seemed like it would be manipulative to him while I was crying. That is something that needs to be discussed in a calm, rational manner.

Like kml said, I'm sure he likes me but I don't know that it could be considered love. I'm good enough for some things but not good enough to be commited to. It's really depressing to know that.