Never thought I'd be here......part 2

[25yearsmlc]

So let's not call them "flaws", rather things that I could stand to improve upon. And, to your point - I never had any intention whatsoever of coming across as condescending - or anything else for that matter. I am just now realizing that that is how it is read - by my wife and apparently others. I've also gotten "arrogant" but at least that wasn't from my W.

if the feedback is from more than once person, (though sometimes only one person has the guts to say it)

then there is something to consider about your delivery, if not the substantive remark itself.

Examine it. It's going to help you. But understand that your Intent is irrelevant. Do you get that?

Not to make excuses, but I think a lot of it has to do with my physical stature. I am about 6'5" and have a rather loud voice - though I do not try to be loud. My W would often say in arguments "do you know how you are coming off right now?!" - and I would basically say no or apologize. It is very difficult for me to be aware of my stature - since I know in my heart that I am not trying to project any negative feelings. Again, I guess it is something that I am going to have to work on.

it's fair (and smart) to look at it. My h and now our son are both big men like you. I'm petite. And, it DOES matter to us. You do have to compensate for the fact that your size in & of itself, is intimidating.

All our lives, as small women, we are aware of how little physical power we have when we walk down a dark street or enter a garage. My son commented about that recently when I asked him to walk me to the car. He said "Wow mom, I forget how small you are compared to the world. "

Food for thought...I hope.


25 - I am very glad to be getting this feedback. I would say it's too late, but in all honesty maybe I have been getting it all along and never had my head in a humbled enough place to say it is a problem.

One thing this whole experience does for us, IF we are to benefit and not hole up in a corner feeling bitter, is teach us the value of humility.

IT has value when it gets us to bravely journey within, and do some serious repair work. We then emerge as better, stronger people and we make better, stronger partners...for someone.


I am surely working to improve - for me - but also to set a better example for my son and hope that someday it will help bring my family back.

Crimson

if all it does is teach your son to follow in your newly made steps, that's a great legacy for him.

I don't think it's too late for your marriage to be restored. It WILL take longer than you expected. But I don't believe a woman who once loved you deeply, has a child with you , will ignore

you as a man, IF she believes you are a very good father and that you have changed into the man she always wanted you to be.

I just think you'd have to have killed all her love-hard to do-

as opposed to covering that love by your actions and her feelings of pain, feelings of neglect, anger, resentment, and fears...

those are to be dealt with and hopefully "undone"...revealing the love below the surface.

that takes time and consistent changes on your end...