It is always ok to vent here. But you were not just venting. You were describing your own anger that got out of control. This is not about your Ex W or your Ex MIL. This is about YOU!
When you vent to your Ex W or your Ex MIL - you are only making them say - "Yep - that's the anger that was there in the marriage. We were right". Because when you point your finger at someone else (Ex W) - you have 4 fingers pointing back at yourself.
So - it is really uncool to vent to your ex MIL about your Ex W. How can that possibly be productive?
Again, you only see yourself and your anger. Why not, during this Christmas season - look at someone else? Someone in a worse situation than yours? Why not do something productive to help someone worse off than yourself. It will change your focus greatly.
2 weeks ago, the woman who lives across the street from me passed away. At age 43. I didn't know her well (I am new in this community), but her husband plows my driveway and has fixed my lawnmower. He has also been quite kind to my handicapped son. He has to somehow make Christmas for his 2 sons, the younger in fifth grade. His mother died on his birthday!
At a community event on the weekend I learned that this family is suffering great hardship. Her illness had taken a lot of time and money and caused much depression. No names were mentioned but I knew who they were talking about. So today I went out and bought a grocery gift card to put in a Christmas card for him and leave in his mailbox anonymously. I was hoping it would help in some small way.
Then I went into the next store - and there he was! So I went to talk to him and pay my respects (they had just had a family funeral and I had sent a card). We talked about the kids, Christmas etc (and how he found it so hard to deal with) and he told me he was going to go forward. Business as usual. He would be over for the next snowfall - not to worry. I felt immense respect for him and how he was doing his best for his kids.
I will wait another day or 2 before putting that card in his mailbox. But it will make me feel good. In a really good way.
I spent years feeling angry. Over my son getting brain damage. Over my husband cheating on me and not paying support for his 3 kids. Over my student/prodigy who stole my business and turned my clients against me. Want to know the truth? Few people REALLY cared. But I did waste a lot of time and put my own health in jeopardy as a result.
So I learned to say STOP when I started wallowing in it. And redirected my attention to someone who had it worse than me. (even at my worst - I always found someone wose). Like my close friend whose husband lied, cheated,didn't pay support while she was not working and then committed suicide). Yes - she had it worse than me.
There is a big difference between venting here where we all understand and venting to your exes. And obviously - that is not what you want to hear.
