Where to next?

[mishka422]

The anxiety is building and it's making me a little crazy! Ok...a lot crazy! Shocker, I know!

My BFF is getting married next August. I am so very happy for her. She and her fiance have been dating for 8 years so it was about time they take this step. Of course, right after they got engaged their plans went off track a bit but they're trying to remedy that as quickly as possible. Financial stress.

That being said, since I had to quit Zumba and weight watchers to save money and since food is so darned expensive for healthy items I've put on 15 pounds! 15 pounds in 3 months!!!!!!! I feel so absolutely disgusting, I look like a complete she-beast and I'm miserable. There is just zero self-control and I have no idea what to do next. My anxiety over Christmas coming isn't helping and then to top it off I'm in her wedding and I just can't do it looking like this. So.....it's going to have to be something extreme but cheap.

I still have my gym membership but I haven't been going. I feel like such a blob that I'm scared that they will all be staring at me. Yes, I know, no one actually does but my sick mind won't let me get past that.

Food is a major issue for me. Always has been. The good, healthy foods I prefer to eat just cost more than than I can afford anymore. I find chicken breast on sale pretty often so that helps but fish, fresh vegetables and fruits are just so expensive! What would you guys suggest?

[MichelleLT]

What gabbysmom said!

You have until August. Plenty of time to not only take off that 15 lbs but a little extra.

You know what to do from WWs. You just need to do it without their meals and the meetings. Pack your lunch, either pack breakfast or eat before work. It's both cheaper and built-in portion control. Stash some healthy snacks at work, and if you want a cookie have one, but only one and make up for it somewhere else (e.g. extra exercise). Don't deprive yourself completely, it's not about making yourself miserable.

The biggest things are portion control, a balanced diet, and exercise! You don't need any equipment let alone a gym to do exercise. You can walk on your lunch break, do body weight calisthenics, play with the Wii, etc etc etc.

Just make a plan! And make yourself stick to it!

[whatisis]

It's true, Mish. I lost 40 lbs. about seven years ago when the doctor told me I had diabetes. I began exercising and eating more fish and lean meat. I cut out the crap food and that was it. In five months I'd lost 40 lbs. and no more diabetes!

[mishka422]

Why is it men lose weight so darned fast?

Honestly, I have a tendency to overeat in the evening and I have massive carb cravings all the time. Rice, pasta, and bread are my enemies - even brown rice.

There are days that I do really well and track everything I put in my mouth and other days I just don't bother because I'm tired of thinking about it. When you're as obese as I am you tend to give up because it's so overwhelming. Too far to go and no patience! I aggravate myself to no end.

There is so little crap food that I eat that just cutting that out isn't going to do it. It's not horrible food, it's quantity. I make a healthy breakfast (usually steel cut oatmeal with fruit, eggs and toast, or fruit and yogurt), I go home from work for lunch every day. I have a salad and progresso light soup or a WW smart ones entree. Something fast to cook so I don't have to eat so quickly. It's dinner where I have a real problem. I make whatever I can afford to put together. Often that means we have beans and rice or pasta with sauce because that's all I could put on the table. Those things are not totally unhealthy but they are when it's a few times a week and you don't limit yourself to only 1 cup of it.

No, I'm not making excuses. I know what I've done to myself. I know what is wrong and measures to take to fix it. The frustration level is SO high that my bad attitude takes over and I give up because the stress of thinking about it is more than I can take.

I appreciate the encouragement guys. I need it so badly. Please keep it up when you have time, it gets a little loud in my head.

[MichelleLT]

Men lose weight faster than women for several reasons, one of which is higher testosterone levels. That you can't do anything about. But the others you have control over. Men don't just do cardio, they lift weights. Weight lifting / calisthenics boosts your metabolism for longer than just doing cardio. Circuit training type exercise routines are great for boosting your metabolism! If you don't want to do weights and cardio in the same day or at the same time, at least alternate one day of cardio with one day of body weight calisthenics, weights, or exercise band workouts.

Carbs by themselves aren't bad for you, you just need to make sure they are complex carbs instead of simple carbs and watch the portion sizes. Brown rice or wild rice. Whole wheat pasta. Whole wheat bread. And make sure there's fruits/veggies in everything.

I'll start with a jar of pasta sauce, but I always add diced tomatoes, bell peppers, onions, garlic, and some spices to it. It's not expensive, but since the sauce is bulkier I eat less of the pasta and more veggies. I also always use whole wheat pasta or vegetable pasta or a mix of both.

The other thing, stereotypically, that men do that women don't do is snack. Because when they want to lose weight, especially when they're younger and their metabolism and testosterone levels are higher, they don't cut back on food, they just work out more. That's not necessarily a bad thing if you are snacking on healthy things. Don't confine all your calories to three meals. Spread them out over the day. This does several things - it keeps you from being starving at any given time and overeating, and it helps boost your metabolism!

You have the tools. You know what to do. Don't try and tackle the whole thing in one day!

Set little goals. Manageable goals. Like in 3 months you will have lost the 15 lbs you gained over the last 3 months.

[mainemom1]

Okay, this is an area that I have some expertise in. I lost 90 pounds this year and I did it totally on my own. No Weight Watchers just my own diet I made up. Not that I have anything against using it I just didn't want to spend the money or go to meetings. Anyway, the way I did it was first I changed my diet. I started by figuring out how much was needed to maintain the weight I was at. Then I figured out how much I would need to maintain the weight I wanted to be. I then split the difference between those two numbers. That was my starting daily calorie count. I then divided that number into 3 meals and a couple of snacks. I eat oatmeal almost everyday, and a lot of fruit, veggies and whole wheat. I eat snacks every couple of hours and I feel for me at least that is important for maintenance. As my weight loss progressed I tweaked the numbers a little to take into account that I needed less calories. It wasn't too much less because I was so much more active by then.
Next was exercise. I started by walking everyday. Then once I got used to that I started going to the gym. Basically I work out now about 3 days a week. 30 minutes of cardio and about 20-30 of core training and weights. I alternate the weights by working upper body one day and lower body the next. My understanding though is that something like Zumba would be a good substitute. The other days I try to do something active like walking the dog or roller skating. Some of the weight loss was partly the divorce diet because I lost too quickly but the divorce was over 4 months ago so I thik I can take most of the credit for it on my own.

[mishka422]

I need some honest opinions here please. Be brutal.

Scenario: If you were in a romantic, cuddling situation with the person you love and you hugged them and said, "I love you." and the person responded with, "Thank you.", that's it...thank you....no added phrases no nothing......what would you think?

[MrBond]

If it was a guy that said that, then he doesn't know what his feelings are towards you.

[MichelleLT]

Or his feelings make him uncomfortable for some reason. Either because he has issues from his past that make him uncomfortable expressing feelings, or because he has issues from his past that make him uncertain about what his feelings really are.

[mishka422]

Yeah, that's pretty much what I figured.

Those words will not come out of my mouth again. I'm tired of feeling rejected and scared 24/7. There is nothing more I can do to try to reconnect this R. He's in it until he's not and I just have to learn to accept it for what it is....temporary until he finds a better deal.