living in limbo

[purgatory]

L2L,

I just read-up on your posts... sorry you had to come here... but you came to the right place

"I think he is avoiding the d conversation to avoid the conflict, not because he doesn't want one.. I think he thinks i will just file on my own due to not wanting to live this way"

This ^^^ seems like he's trying to make things as uncomfortable for you so that you will file for D, maybe to ease his guilt? It will be hard, but I think you should keep DBing and if he wants to leave his family, than he has to be man-enough to take the legal steps to file.
It's been my experience, that the spouse who wants out- becomes very concerned as to what the mutual friends and family will say/think about them. So, they want to keep themselves in 'the best light'... by making you uncomfortable enough to file- he protects his reputation and can even play the victim ("my W filed for D...poor me")

You have every right to request/suggest how he interacts with D, but ultimately- he's responsible for the type of relationship he has with D, and you don't have to make excuses for him- but you will be the one who has to pick up the pieces when he disappoints her Kids are smarter than we give them credit for- and she will come to learn how her dad feels about her based on his efforts to be in her life.

I've found that 'venting' on this forum helps me get through the 1000 thoughts and emotions on a daily basis. We're all in the same boat, I'll save you a seat