WAW told me she idoesn't want to be married.

[witz10]

My W texted me yesterday while I was out. She can't find a gift for her parents and is not sure what to do. She knows what to get but can't find it within her price range. I gave her some suggestions and thats all, told her to check out some stores and online pricing might be better. I won't know till xmas I guess to see what she bought them.
I am looking forward to holidays but not I will be with her and kids all day then her parents house. I plan on playing with kids all day. My IL will be good should be interesting.
Emailed her last night told her I took care of all the stuff needed for my S's school trip with after care and I picked up new financial aid forms for gym for us to fill in. Now she hits me with we need to talk with them because we are S. She also said she can't think about it right now she is too overwhelmed with stuff right now. How can she be overwhelmed. She works in a clinic at a university that is on break. There are no students to see and everyone that is working there is bored.

Oh well. So from reading DR I have realized that the past two years I might have gone through a MLC but more on the depressed side. My work at toys r us was a way for me to escape from my family. Plus there was a 20 year old that would find me when she came in and talk with me every time she would see me. She reminded me of my wife at her age and ironically had the same bday. I remember walking around the store thinking to myself that I was not happy and should get a divorce. I never did anything with the girl, not my style I am M and that is it. But I knew something was wrong and just thought it would run its course. Also I would go home sit in front of the tv and relax. I had a handheld game that could get online and yep I would do the porn watching at night.
Looking back now why would I do this when I had my beautiful wife in the bedroom. So frustrating.

Goal
1. get through every week of this roller coaster ride. At the end journal how I feel.
2. Send out more resumes
3. Make plans with my kids for next week
4. Watch what I eat for holidays
5. Make plans for this weekend since I have nothing to do on xmas Eve
6. work on me getting out of this funk. Hopefully after new years I will only see my W every other week and hopefully that will help. Only communication will be through text and email like now.

I have to admit I am wondering if I am holding onto a pipe dream. I read some other threads and see how long people have been S. Few months few years, I miss the physical contact, the face to face conversation, the family planning etc.

My mom told me today my B in law is acting like he did around the time my sister kicked him out. They were S for 10months and now he is acting the same way. I think I will pull him aside one night this week and talk with him. If someone spoke to me before all this I would have nipped it in the bud.