WHG: When last we heard from our action hero...

[workinghardguy]

Up at 3:00am... four and a half hours of sleep. Woke up and couldn't shut my mind down. Before I went to bed I was straightening up the living room. Came across the local paper folded up with the rental/want ads section showing. A bunch of houses for rent circled or starred and some names/phone numbers in my wife's handwriting on the page.

Of course none of this... I mean none is new news. Just last week I told her I realized she planned to file next month so the D is final around April/May (this was to cut off a line of discussion she was heading down). She's been looking at places on-line for weeks now.

Maybe it's Christmas coming.. maybe it was last night's church service with it's themes of what darkness are you fearful of? what light do your wish for in your life? Maybe it's realizing this may be the last family Christmas for all of us... maybe it's just being back home and around her again.

I don't know... I just don't know. All I know is I haven't cried this much or felt this hopeless and "bottomed out" in a very long time. I just want the pain to stop. I don't want to cry any more. I want my heart to stop breaking.