I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[25yearsmlc]

Thank you.

Beatrice, yeah I know I'm not very bright sometimes.

Honestly Snodderly, I have no plans for Christmas. I may visit my mom and that is about it.

I am going to cool it a bit on the dating.

You said:

She wants to make sure that you are right where she left you and that you will always be there when she has the need to talk.

Maybe but...she told our sons the other day that she doesn't care if I get married.....


So what if she said that? You seem to expect consistent behavior from her. Think about how unrealistic that expectation is.

In fact, it's irrational of you to think that her behavior should make sense or be consistent. The only things she has been consistent about is changing on a whim and being manipulative.

Thing is, you could change your response, but you have not in over a year.

I would get off the phone as soon as you verify that son is fine. There is nothing else to discuss.

She is not your pal, or an old friend.

She is your ex wife. She's an actively negative force in your life, who filed for divorce, blamed you for it, hurt your sons, and spewed venom off and on for a solid year.

I don't care anymore about who she WAS. Go ahead, Be grateful for those memories.

But when will you deal with what IS????...


The last few days have been okay, but today is a downer. It's the first one I've had in a while. Maybe because it is cold and raining outside.

Her call the other night still confuses the hell out of me.

I can't explain why you are still confused by this. I really can't.


I don't even know why she would care especially if I was so terrible.


I'm certain she likes the power she has over you. You keep giving that power to her. So, it's not really surprising when you think about that.

Her life isn't going so well but at least she can still yank your chain, blame you, AND count on a friendly ear when she feels like checking on you...

and the only person who can change any of that, is YOU.

I'm leaving to pick up S17 from her house in a few minutes. I have to pick him up a little early because XW is going to a Christmas party....probably with the douchebag.


Well Geez Tad, you should spend a lot of energy wondering about that...and obsessing and worrying all night about what she is thinking or feeling or saying or doing or if she is dancing and laughing or not....

so don't bother GAL yourself, do NOT detach!!.... b/c hey isn't it way more fun to place your whole daily existence,

happiness and whether any joy will be "allowed" for you or your sons,

in HER "steady" hands?


I'm pretty anxious for January 15th to get here. That is the day that I get the keys to my new place.

Tad

I don't know why getting your new place is the "condition precedent" to you detaching. I think it's just another excuse to postpone GAL/Detaching..but I am glad for you to be out of the house.

but can you explain why will it make any difference?

Won't you still answer the phone when you know it's her, and won't you still listen to her go on and on as long as she holds onto the phone?

Won't SHE always be the one to decide how the conversation goes? And everything else?

what do YOU think it'll take for you to detach?

Tad- this is not the first time I've asked you this

and you ignored a lot of my questions from the post on 14 December.

Can you answer THAT ^^^question above?