I think your supposed slip up the other day also reflects on your H snooping at your phone. Next time remember to turn the ringer off.
Regarding you FIL stich it reminds me of a mutual female friend of me & my H who I felt overly supported my H by giving him kid furniture for his new apt. I posted this story on my board and the best advice I got was Keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
I know it stinks but if you can somehow impress the old geezer (I only call him that b/c of his despicable actions) it may influence your H.
I wouldnt go crazy trying to win him over but it your think of it more like a secret spy mission maybe it can at least make being around him bearable.
You are doing great. Go easy on yourself
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13