Bea, Your memories were not faulty or inaccurate. We lived w/these men every day and to be perfectly honest w/you, I do think that they loved us, but their idea of love was not the same as how we thought it was. Your h may have been totally committed to the marriage and then at mid-life just flipped.
Most of the mlcers kept a part of themselves from us, hidden away for fear of us actually getting too close to really see just how vulnerable they were. They were damaged long ago and they didn't want us to see that. Most have never talked extensively about their pasts.
You are absolutely corret in stating that it really doesn't matter now, but in is very important that the truth from the past be out in the open. The way that we have handled our situations have made us better people and we have learned and continue to learn how to cope w/the day-to-day situations. Our futures are now what is important and our focus will have to move towards it.
Bea, please do not doubt yourself. You know what your marriage was like and believe me when I say this...had it been a bad or uncomfortable one, you would have known. You wouldn't have stayed in it as long as you did until he flipped.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
