No I don't want to cut her off, but some people recommended that if she wants to be on her own, that I should cut her off so she can really have a taste of what it is like without me. I disgree with this^^^^ a lot b/c of what my DB coach said. "Doing something to 'teach them a lesson' or to 'show them the consequences of their choices' is NOT the spouses job.
Life does that for them."
Anytime you wonder about a course of action or comment - ask yourself where it is really coming from. Is it coming from a place of love and light in your heart, a wish to comfort support or empathize?
OR is it angry or coming from a place that down deep...wants to punish.
IMO some of the advice you are getting is NOT DBing, it's punitive.
Finally, if she says you were controlling about money and IF you were
then it's idiotic to fuel the negatives she has. Your job right now is to COUNTER the negatives with positives...
Hence the term "180."
I just find it so hard to do. We have had many arguments about me being too controlling with the money. I am still paying the her car payments (my loan, her car). Once in a while she was using debit card to by her lunch or cigarettes, so maybe that is why people said to cut her off, still I don't have it in my heart to do that to her. So is it a big deal? Is it a backslide?
It's not a big deal if she's not ruining your credit or hurting the kids...the issue here for NOW is
what your goal is and how to get there.
Do you actually think she had some valid reasons for wanting out? (I know you do)
so how on earth would cutting her off help the situation?
like I said though, it's different if financial things are going to hell. I don't see that yet though.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
