Snodderly - I agree with all you say. Looking back, the small changes were there. But we all of us are changing slightly all the, and that is also part of why I think we fail to register what is going on [apart from being busy of course]
I certainly took forever to get off the crazy train - one of the reasons I call it that is that it still helps me to think about it as him over there on the wild ride, and me safely off, and watching from a distance.
Your point about focusing on our own journey and not re-living our past is a really helpful one. As long as we remain alongside and involved either practically or emotionally with our MLcer it takes the focus off us, but we also have to heal before we can move on. Detachment and healing take a lot of time.
And yes, life is about choices, and also about dealing gracefully and gratefully with what life dishes out to us.
There is a wonderful pair of books by two very different authors 'The Life you Always Wanted' and 'A Million miles in a Thousand years' Both of them are about making ourselves responsible for the life that we live, and making it a wonderful life, with meaning and purpose. [Which brings us back to it really being a choice, ultimately] Both point out that life isn't always easy, or meant to be easy, because then character development and growth doesn't take place. i found them two of the most inspirational books I have read, not just in 2011, but in my adult life.
