Bea, The mlcer has been evolving for quite some time before the bomb is dropped. The changes were gradual and not something that would have sent up red flags for us. Our focus was on our children, home, work, comforts of living, the day-to-day stuff, etc., that we didn't focus on the little changes that were taking place. I bet if we all sat down and thought about it, we could now see some of those little changes and when they began.
It takes a long time for the newbies to hop off the crazy train because it's such a shock to them as to their spouses acting out. Detachment takes a lot of time and once the lbs has learned how to do it, it still requires practice not to over analyze what the mlcer says or does. Each person needs to give themselves a pat on the back because this is not an easy walk in the park. It's not like someone dying and we grieve for them and move on. Mlcers tend to strike when we least expect and the wound remains fresh for many years. Eventually time does heal wounds and w/the help of the board, friends and family, the lbs begins to heal and learn how to deal w/the mlcer. The lbs learns that this is their mlcer's journey and that they didn't break them, therefore, they can't fix them. Once the lbs understands this, they then can begin to focus on their own journey and usually their journey is by far the most enlightening one because they are looking at life as it is and not reliving their past. It is a journey that will take both parties to the intersection...they both will need to determine whether to remain at the stop sign or make a decision as to which road to take for their on destiny. Life is about making choices...we need to make our own choices as to how we will write our life's book...the mlcer will opt to make the horror film.
Just me two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
