We were having a great family morning and my H was talking and laughing with me (just like old times). He even saw me texting and asked who I was talking to (he hasn't cared about that in months!) I was feeling really good about our interactions today.... Then he made a call and said 'hey you! I wanted to thank you for helping me the other day...' I left the room because I could tell he was talking to a woman based on his tone, and I assumed it was a woman in his office that I have been jealous of for a while. Alone in my room, I texted my best friend and told her that I was really upset because he had the nerve to call her right in front of me! I got a text from her a few minutes later saying that it was her that he was talking to (this doesn't make me jealous/mad because they are friends too and he helps her a bunch since her H is deployed.) I felt better. I went back to the other room, and H asked me what was bothering me because he could see I was upset when I left the room. I tried to play it off and say I was fine. Meanwhile, I kept getting texts from my friend explaining the details of their phone call. H asked me why my phone was blowing up and I lied and said they were FB updates. He didn't buy it, and Got quiet and mad. 10 minutes of silence.... I admitted that I was upset earlier because I assumed it was the office woman and I was hurt that he would call her in front of me. He asked why I lied to him about that and the texts that I received (I was unaware that at some point, my friend had told him that I had vented to her so she had explained their conversation.) I told him that there is no excuse for lying and I didn't want to admit my insecurities/jealous to him. He continued to be upset and said: "You sent a clear message that I can't even talk to someone without monitoring what I say because of fear of hurting your feelings. And that you feel the need to share every part of our R with your friend- nothing is private anymore. I was a fool to think that we can have family time yet, you aren't ready." [Every bone in my body wanted to cry, defend, apologize over and over] but what I was able to say was: "I'm sorry that I felt the need to lie to you. I was protecting my own insecurities, but it doesn't make it right. Please don't punish the boys by taking family time away because of my insecurities." In the past, this would have blown up because I would have defended my actions and told him that he wasn't being fair... so I'm proud of myself for keeping calm and acknowledging his feelings. He said that nothing I say right now to make him feel better, he just needed time. So I left the house to give him some space.
This might seem silly for him to get so upset about- but there's underlying past issues of insecurities and trust that play into the severity of this exchange.
How do I recover this?!? In just a few minutes, I showed him that I'm insecure, jealous, run to my friend when I'm upset and I lied to him. I managed to ruin what was looking to be a great family day
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
