I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[AntoniaB]

Tad I get totally that the women you are dating are not comparing to the woman you used to know.

What I think I'm trying to get you to ask yourself is, why are you trying to find a replacement for her? This has got to be on your mind if you are actively comparing the women you are dating to the woman your XW used to be.

Why are you trying to replace her when your divorce only just happened?

Maybe you are being approached and you are not doing the asking. If you're doing the asking, why are you doing so when you are "still working on detachment?" And if you're not doing the asking, then why are you agreeing to date and not saying you're just not ready at this point?

These answers aren't really for ME. They're for YOU.

I have to be honest. I've talked to a ton of people on this board, and I've never seen someone get into dating in such record speed. It makes me skeptical :-)

Again. Not attacking you at all...just asking YOU to ask yourself, what are you gaining from this right now? If the alternative to dating is "being without a woman in your life in any way", does that scare you/bother you? Why?

These questions are important in terms of you learning to detach, not just from HER, but from the idea of being codependent.