Well, I'm back...with bright red face.

[Psych77]

Just a daily update...so I don't get in the habit of "going dark" with you guys, and losing track of what I am doing here.

Last night kind of stunk. I came in, said hello to W, she barely said, "Hi," and made no eye contact. Seemed sad and low, so I asked her, "Are you alright?"

Her response: "What do you want from me, psych??!!"

The rewards of DBing may be wonderful (hope,hope,hope, pray), but sometimes the process just stinks!

In addition to being difficult and often painful, it also makes me anxious. I realize that doing the "obvious" things to do (you know, pursuing and all) was what got me where I am, so it makes sense to do things that are counterintuitive. But still, as I DON'T pursue, as I GIVE W ROOM, as I try not to push the issue, there is a terrible voice in the back of my head, asking me if I am just passively letting everything slip away. If the M is dissolving and by not pursuing I am just standing by and watching it go. As though I don't even care.

I know all the reasons why that is not the case. I know that I have to focus on my own life, and do what's good because it's good, not to impress W. And I know I'm playing a waiting game. But the anxiety while waiting is sometimes excruciating.

Thanks for listening, everyone.