Our story

[kolja]

Thanks, brenalim.

I very much want to save our marriage, and only hope I'm not too late to start doing it PROPERLY instead of the very ineffectual, in fact counterproductive, ways in which I was. I wish I had turned to sites like this one sooner so I wouldn't have pushed her away by trying to be MORE affectionate.

I've changed my drinking habits - both for her AND for me. I no longer keep any in the house, I don't go out as much and when I do don't have nearly as much (and don't even think about driving - for the amount I had to spend on legal fees it's silly not to take a cab; expensive lesson). The advantages for ME have been the amount of money I've saved, the weight I've lost and the amount of OTHER things I get to do with the time.

The good news on the job front is that in September I transferred to a different unit. The job I have no is much less stressful and while I enjoyed all the people in my old unit, the environment here is a much better place for me. It's a HAPPY place to come work and I enjoy being here.

I've always been active physically; swimming 3x a week, lifting 2-3 times a week with some casual running thrown in and bicycling to work even before my drivers license difficulties. It's certainly helped me handle everything, and I think there really is something to be said for what endorphins do for one's mood. I'm actually thinking of doing a half marathon they have here where I live in the spring - I think having that as a personal challenge and goal, independent from the marriage, will be good for me and of course have some health benefit as well. I also make sure that, in addition to the time I spend reading up on improving myself and saving my marriage, I take time out for othere interests and hobbies to clear my mind and refresh myself.

I've gone back to see the counselor who had seen us as a couple, who agreed to see me as an individual. Since she saw us a couple times together I value her perspective and it's been helpful to talk to her. I have an appointment to see her next week to talk over these latest developments.

I'm also educating myself about depression. A friend who has battled through bipolar disorder (and had gone so far to separate before reconciling) recommended "What To Do When Someone You Love is Depressed" so I'm reading that too. I know it will certainly make things difficult but I'm as devoted to my wife (even if I didn't always demonstrate it in a way that she recognized) and as committed to her and the marriage as I was on our wedding day.