Indecision and the affair continues (Part 2)

[Nblost]

My problem is I've known H has been having a full-blown PA since August and he told me to my face in September (in front of our MC when we went to our only session) that he couldn't give up the A and having sex with OW. So, I feel like I've known enough of the whole truth for three months and nothing has changed. I told him to choose in October or he needed to leave and he wouldn't or couldn't.

H got home yesterday. We had work parties at the same bar (separate parties scheduled the same night...kind of weird) and we visited each other's coworkers. H came over towards the end of my party and sat with me and a couple of the guys I worked with and we had a relatively fun time. H was very curious about my work trip last week (that ended in my fling) but I didn't tell him anything about that. I did tell him a few tidbits about getting a lot of attention from men at the bar.

When we walked out to the parking lot, I told H I have realized I want things to change with our marriage and told him a couple examples of things--like I want more passion and I want us to be more open with each other. We then kissed in the parking lot and went home and were passionate with each other in bed (without fully ML). H wasn't very intoxicated...I clearly was. So, I guess if my high road was supposed to include being sexual with H...I accomplished that.

One of my friends commented this morning that I must still have a lot of feelings for H. I know I do...but I also know I've been distracted by my fling from last week and a little more "amped up" than normal thinking about that.

But, really...nothing has changed or will change until H is willing to give up the A. I guess I just ignore it for now?

If I could tell him anything right now? I would tell him more about how I want things to change and about how much he's hurt me and the kids. I guess I would just be very honest.

To Abbey's point though, until he's ready to hear it? I don't think I should bother.