You've come to the right place! We are all here to support you!
Are you wanting to save your marriage or are you okay with getting a divorce?
Sounds to me like she is suffering from depression. Depression is tricky... First thing is first... you can't force someone to get help. She has to come to that conclusion on her own. She may have to hit rock bottom before she does. Second thing... Depression is a very selfish disease. She's only going to care about herself and what you are doing that is making her suffer so much. Keep that in mind.
Please don't be insulted, but it does sound like you have a drinking problem. It may have been the way you were raised, or even if you are never out of control, it doesn't mean it's not a problem. 2+ alcoholic drinks a DAY is not the best idea. I'm glad that you recognized that it made her uncomfortable and decided to back off, but I hope that you can do that for yourself. Jobs are stressful but there are better ways to deal with stress than drinking.
You won't be much help to your W if you are not taking care of yourself. Exercise for the stress or talk to your boss about what you can do to make your job more enjoyable.
Counseling is important both as a couple and as individuals. I suggest you find an IC to help support you while you're trying to support your depressed wife.
Good luck! Keep us posted!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
