How are you all doing with finding that holiday spirit today? I have been listening to Christmas music and its helping a bit. I got a bit of shopping done last night and intend to get out to do some more tonight. I think the sights and sounds of the mall should help a bit. My kids definitely help, they are just the best! S17 keeps telling me that I seem happy these days. So I guess even on the tougher days I am good at faking it Like I tell my mom on her tough days, fake it till you make it.
Yesterday H told me that he was going to stop at a few stores on the way home from work and he wouldn't be late. I didn't ask any questions and said "have a good time" (180 for me to not ask anything). On some level I feel like I was being tested. He was home by 9 so it wasn't a huge deal. I think my health scare put some things into perspective for me as well. I feel different.
When he got home he seemed happy to see me, gave me a kiss. I again didn't ask anything, and was actually on the phone when he got in. When I finished my call, he told me that when he was finally alone and shopping last night, the reality of my testing hit him. It had happened so quickly that he didn't register anything, but seeing the words Cancer Center was sticking with him. He told me that he was so happy that I don't have to see the surgeon now and can come back for a re-check in 6 months. Said it was something to celebrate.
He initiated some light conversation and it felt less forced than before. I'm remaining detached, or as detached as I have been so far. I think I have more detaching to do for sure.
This morning I was going for some bloodwork, so I was getting in the shower as he was dressing. I said "have a good day" and he called me over to give me a hug and said ILY.
Went to the kitchen to get my phone and there was a sticky note on it that said "I love you"
I went for the bloodwork, treated myself to Starbucks after fasting with no coffee this morning and made my way to the office. I hadn't responded at all. I got an email from him that said "did you get my note". A little bit later I responded to say "I did, that was a nice surprise. I was out and just got back to my desk" He said "oh i was thinking 'how rude' when you didn't respond"
Hello roller coaster...ugh
I have been busy working since and no more emails, which is good. Need to keep detaching, for me and this sitch.
Have a nail appt tomorrow and plan to take a yoga class tomorrow. Hoping to take in a movie with a friend at some point too.
Like I tell my mom on her tough days, fake it till you make it.
