My H said we need to start putting our separation papers together. He's really afraid that I might try to take the kids away from him if I ever got really mad, and I was honest with him that I felt the same because he has the financial stability. After a friend went through a nasty custody battle (involving the W being addicted to drugs and multiple arrests), my H seemed inspired to 'protect both of us'. I was able to sit with him and pleasantly discuss kid and money stuff. We still have many more details to work out, but that was all the time we had. When he was leaving, he made a point to say: "Thanks for talking with me, I know this isn't easy for you. I feel a little better."
I have such mixed emotions about this. On one hand, I'm proud of myself for keeping my depressed emotions in check during the talk- these are things I never thought i would have to discuss and it's killing me inside. It made me feel good that he acknowledged my effort... but the fact that he was nice to me is upsetting. Because to me, it says that he's at peace with his decision and has no intentions of ever thinking differently
I am still focused on making my changes permanent and showing him every chance I have... but it's making me depressed that I don't think it will ever work to get him back. I know that I chose to make these changes for myself (and that is still true) but I can't lie and say that I didn't hope that by me becoming a better person and more comfortable in my own skin.... that it would cause a change of heart in him.
Off I go to look into college classes to try and get myself on track for a job
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
