Carefully moving forward from H's mlc - ctflor

[25yearsmlc]

Ctflor

if anything can change us for real, and seem fast, it's a spiritual change.

You don't know what else has been going on in him OR for how long, so the change you are seeing may not be as sudden as you perceive it to be. Plus,

miracles happen every day. Be open to them.

I think you're right that doubting him will create self doubt IN him...and it robs you of some joy that is well deserved.

I see little risk to trusting him or his changes. Why?

B/c now you know you can make it, no matter what. You have been through the fire.

So if you trust him and it feels great and you are happy,

and THEN he yanks out the rug from under you

what have you really lost??

Besides, you increase the chances of this being real and lasting, by believing in it.

And believing in him - gives him something to live UP to, rather than constantly thinking of what he's Not supposed to do.


Just some thoughts...oh, one last one.

The more introspective your h is at this time, IMO, the better. Sure, it'll be even better when he learns to be here now.

Living in the present is a gift you can both give yourselves. it's a lot easier to do when you believe you both have figured this out, to the extent it's possible.

There are things neither of you may ever understand and that's the mystery of life. Try not to dwell on that.


But if he's really going to learn from this and figure out what the heck happened, and why, and how to learn from it, that has to come from within HIM

and it sounds like it is. Maybe you can embrace it.

Frankly, I wish my h had not so quickly moved forward as if we were "all done with that wacky time"....

there are times I wonder if he really recalls the things he said at Retrovaille, which were a big reason for me staying in the m. I knew he "got it."

I want him to remember that, NOT to shame him with remorse, but to keep us both from being complacent.

Complacency is not a marriage's friend. Maybe your h is avoiding that? Good for him.

((( )))