I would hold off on the ILY's for quite a while. Not until you are hearing them from H. H has to set the pace on this. Almost like clockwork, these will remind a WAS of their inability to return the ILY's. It can spook them and drive them back into their tunnel.
Skate around that, instead, 'wishing you well.' or 'hope you have a good day.' or 'talk to you soon.' or 'Merry Christmas.'
(At that, if H does finally pop the ILY don't get 'too' excited or clingy in front of H. Do that here mostly. Instead, show your appreciation. Even return the ILY calmly. Indicate that you'd be happy to work on rebuilding the friendship and spend time with H. With this type of thing, you'd need to give it some extra time to be certain it's not just something off the cuff. That it's the real thing.)
"I would invite him Christmas morning for the girls, I tend to think not inviting him would be better for me & DBing but I want my girls to get their Christmas wish."
If you think you can do it and stay reasonably on the level, certainly. Give you a chance to show more of your new side. Just remember to keep the conversation light. No R or D talk unless H brings it up. At that, don't go any deeper than H. Especially don't try to reason with H, his actions, or anything to do with 'ripping the family apart.' Again, keep the conversation light and friendly.
"I believe he needs me to believe he is serious that we are getting D."
As for the D thing if H brings it up, reminding you of his decision, try something like, "'If this is what you really want then I won't hold you back. You can be a great person. I enjoy spending my time with you, especially when we are appreciative of each other. But if this is what you feel then that's ok. Again, I don't mean to hold you back.' Leave it at that.
I know you'll be cringing inside but a good part of him will be expecting an argument. Crying and pleading to come back. That you're 'ripping apart the family.' That will just feed the negative energy of this and actually make it worse. I've seen this happen...lots. Vent elsewhere.
"I guess this sitch showed me that my new way of conducting my life does work...Now that I accept the D I think it has opened the door every so slightly for him to say things to me like "I'm sorry" or "Nice pants". "
Good work! Sounds like you're on the right track, wouldn't you agree? Again, remember, this is going to take quite a while. Don't let up.
I haven't posted much in the last seven years. I've been a lurker. Just lookin' to put back all the good help I've gotten...
