W told me she is done & doesn't love me anymore.

[Snowman]

Ok, enough of the speculation for everyone about what I am and am not willing to forgive. I'm really not sure I like the attitude of Mr. Bond no matter how smart he thinks he is and what he thinks I'm ready to do or not. One I don't know what I'm even forgiving at this point and I know you may say it doesn't matter and that I must be willing to forgive but I say it does matter. Everyone has there certain boundaries and I have mine. I'm willing to forgive and to go to counseling for many reasons. I know this is not a one sided thing by any means and I have never thought so. This is why I have gone to IC, read numerous books, and work on myself. I never said I was perfect or the night in shining armor but I do think I have become a better person in many aspects through this.

I am willing to change and start with a clean slate if we can get the slate clean. I don't expect her just to change as I have changes to make too. I could accept her for who she is now if I even knew who that is at this point but that is another reason I would like to go to counseling. I will not make it all about proofing everything to me. Mr. Bond it feels as though you have a vendetta against me to paint me as mean, naive, and foolish about everything. Others treat me with respect and sympathize but not you. Is that just your style or what?

I went out to see Christmas lights with my W and S tonight. It was nice and I didn't talk about our R and any shape or form other than discussing what counselor we may want to go to. I had emailed her some counselors that I would like to look into and suggest she get a list as well so we could choose one together. The ones I looked up were marriage friendly counselors as suggested earlier. She said she would research them more and help select one. Things are slowly progressing as they should.

I hope to find a good therapist as the MC we went to early on was horrible and I will not make that mistake again. Keep up the good support. Thanks.