I spent all night with XW..........on the phone

[AntoniaB]

I agree with angel and 25 on the above stuff.

I don't get at all why you're dating a few women. Look, if you're still that attached to her, as you seem to indicate, why are you trying to find someone who "compares"??

You seem to be skipping the part where you learn how to live without being wrapped up in someone else romantically. Look at the people who are long-term in a good place on this board, (and I'm not even referring to me as I'm just 18 months post-bomb), and you find people who spent quite some time not dating, not trying to fill holes left by the LBS with other people.

Even if you break your attachment to your XW, if you're that quickly trying to find someone who might compare (and you were dating before your divorce was final), then it just comes off like you're filling one codependency with another.

I met a guy recently in a restaurant I go to a lot, and this was him, to a T. He dated soon after his XW and he separated. As a result, he could not handle being "alone." He was going woman to woman....and when I asked him what led to his divorce, he just kept saying "I don't even know, she just didn't want to be married anymore." It was like he learned zilch.

What happened to you and all of us is terrible. But the best you can do is try to learn something from it. I don't know that I see that going on. I see replacement of needs going on...