plenty of reasons to hide the R even if no sex is happening.
I just said that's what I did. I didn't want to embarrass my h or aggravate things but I did date and I did have feelings for OM. But I did not sleep with him.
The reason I hid it, among other things, is bc I didn't want h to think I was sleeping with him (and I wasn't.)
I find it odd that no one in your family has taken cousin out by the woodshed and done some "splainin' to him.
Rick - He lives about 500 miles away from anyone else in our family. Remember that my sons found out about this before I did. When I found out I had to process it and deal with it, and on top of that had to talk some sense into my boys who were planning a little butt-kicking road trip to say hello to him. His brother who lives near me did explain to him that he is grossly out of line and needs to stop at once. No compliance there, this still goes on. With all that has gone on with my wife , and me, and both of us, this issue is the one that I find so hard to let go, detach, etc. I try to be above board, turn the other cheek, rise above it, maybe even believe my W is telling me the truth, but even so this guy has no common sense doing this. I have never been so challenged not to turn to the dark side. Even as I write this my blood is boiling. Look, as a side career I taught hundreds of kids the ancient kung fu arts and principles so I have developed a lot of self control, but this pushes me to the brink.... to think my own family would run behind my back like this. Seriously, his distance in mileage may be preventing some news at eleven type stuff.
Not you, but someone needs to tell him he's hurting his own extended family and hanging with an older woman with problems he's NOT helping.
I hope your w gets the help she needs. Is she on meds now?
Rick - yes she is on an anti-anxiety med. The doctor is still trying to help her and as far as I know there has been no definite diagnosis made yet. He has mentioned to her a possiblity combo of narcisistic personality disorder, and martyr personality disorder. Its hard to know for sure because of doctor-patient confidentiality.
And face what it is with Kelli; you have a wounded ego and a younger cute woman you have shown some sort of interest in, expressed interest in you. She's also looking at you as a safe, older mentor man who won't hurt her like her h has wounded her. She is vulnerable and so are you.
Rick - yeah I really have to be careful with Kelli, she been a dear friend forever. And yes she is younger (how did you know that?) and wounded and all that. I've known her simce we were kids and have been friends through her rise to fame and all so she does indeed feel very safe with me. I'm not after her money or anything like a lot of other guys and tell it like it is with her. In fact I use the 2" * 4" on her, in a sense passing on the insights I get here. The fact that we are in this book deal together, and my listening to her issues with her WAS have made her jump to me as a safe harbor.
You are both wounded people in no position to be in an R with the other. For her sake, and yours, make it clear that you two can date in your next life but not in this one.
Rick - Believe me, already done. With my W's jealousy issues over the years, Kelli and I did not see each other much for a long time, but kept in contact. I feel so weak that I allowed that to happen. That I let my W's fears dictate my choices. I can only blame myself for letting the double standard with my wife go on. I always believed in respecting a partners friendships of any sex and am not the jealous type. I do think I let the reality of it slide however, and buried this issue under the parts of our life that was good. I'm still trying to figure out how I could have handled this issue better. I really ate the poison of it for so long, let it make me bitter and feel less than valued by her. That would make me frustrated with her, and lead to stress between us. I just didn't face it the right way. although I'm not sure what the right way is.
