"This time, I looked, and was... "Eh" and went back to my party. I don't really have a good answer for her question.. but more importantly I didn't really feel like talking to her. Not in a sad or depressing way... but because I was GALing and enjoying life with my church family."
Val that^^^^^is growth I heard that a WAS sometimes wakes up when the LBS has really detached and trully believes that they can live a good life without them. But the most important thing about your weird feeling is that maybe you are starting to really like yourself and no longer fear the future or being without her. I think your feelings of self worth are back. Good place to be. ((()))
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
But as weird as it feels, I just want to live life right now. My problems are not over, my struggles with my w not done.. but currently I just want to take time and enjoy all the good things that have come into my life.
I want to focus on where I am heading, not where I have been. Building upon the relationships that I have, vs mourning over ones lost.
Maybe.... just maybe .... I'm starting to get a small taste of detachment.
Bravo Val….Seriously pressing the “Like” button!
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Val, that's fantastic!! I am glad that you are beginning to feel at peace with everything. Hopefully, the more we begin to have positive feelings the more that we will begin to move towards things that make us feel that way.
M:(f) 35 W: 45 3 dogs and 2 cats T: 9 years 9/30/11 I love you, but I'm not in love with you OW confirmed 12/23/11
I bought the book you are always pushing "Co-dependent No More". So far its great and I can really relate to many of the scenarios. Thanks for recommending it.
I always thought co-dependent meant opposite of independent and since I was always self sufficient I couldnt possibly be co-dependent.
Its so nice to make new friends as you are doing through church. I feel like when I am in a relationship especially a co-dependent one there is never time for new friends.
You sound like you are doing great right now, keep enjoying yourself - you deserve to be happy.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
W called to update me on the tax return stuff. Her message cut out so I called her back. Broke my own rule of waiting an hour..
Our conversation was pleasant enough with laughs and stuff. I'm a pretty upbeat person in general anymore so I don't really have to pretend.
I validated where I could and reassured her that I was going to be fair with everything. I already spent my half of the income tax money so it made sense that she got her share.
She was like.. "When do you leave again (I never said when to begin with).. maybe we can take care of it before you go".
I was like "I leave tomorrow."
Later on she was like "Maybe we can take care of it before your flight.. I don't know when that is... pause.... When are you flying out".
Like an idiot I answered "First thing". Doophf. Could I have played into that any more.
She said "Well we can take care of it when you get back into town". I said "Ok".
Then she went on and was like "the second half of the message was that now that you have the focus, we can separate insurances".
M: "The versa is in my name still". W: "It's in my name too". M: "Right.. but until it's only in your name, we are going to keep the insurance in both of our names so the car is covered for both of us". W: Paused "Fine. We'll just go to the bank once you get back into town" (didn't she already say that?)
Her tone changed immediately. She got off the phone pretty quickly.
She didn't mention anything about the icicles text.
*Sigh*
I think I did a fair job DBing and keeping my boundaries... but it doesn't make me feel good about them when she kinda gets p!ssy about it.
I'm also beginning to think my w is trying to control me. I guess only time will tell... but for some reason... I feel like I am fighting for myself hardcore.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Val, I think you did a fine job. You stood up for yourself. She didn’t get what she wanted and left the conversation. Yeah you may have given more information than you wanted to. So what, nobody’s perfect. Give yourself a break.
Every encounter will have pluses and minuses. Acknowledge both of them. Learn from both of them. The purpose of a project review is to share what went right, and what could we do better next time? There will be a next time.
Originally Posted By: Richard Buckminster Fuller
There is no such thing as a failed experiment, only experiments with unexpected outcomes
We hear the mantra “no expectations”. Rarely is this achieved. We feel what we feel. So accepting that we’ll have some expectations or some level of expectation we should not beat ourselves when they were not met. Honestly what level of control do we have over the outcome?
We can control how we act, and what we do with the experience of the outcome.
They are going to get p!ssy about something particularly when something doesn’t go their way. Don’t let it affect you.
In a very real sense we are fighting for ourselves, sometimes with ourselves.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Val, you know from my own sitch that I too experience the many moments of p!ssiness and rampant selfishness.
In my opinion, after years of our co-dependent behavior, we get to the point where we spoil them rotten. We make pleasing them and avoiding conflict our main mission in life. However, rather than making them happy, it only engenders disrespect and disdain for us in their minds.
Now that we're our own free agents who make only the decisions that are right for us alone, they become p!ssy. It seems to me that they never expect that we will buck against their wishes after they leave. Probably never was in the game plan when they drew it out, really. (Did they just think that they'd get to have it all, no matter the circumstances?)
I heard that a WAS sometimes wakes up when the LBS has really detached and trully believes that they can live a good life without them. But the most important thing about your weird feeling is that maybe you are starting to really like yourself and no longer fear the future or being without her. I think your feelings of self worth are back. Good place to be. ((()))