Psych, I've never posted to you before.. but I have read along with your sitch.
I think it is a brave thing you are doing. As someone who experienced the other side of the coin (My w has abusive tendencies), I can tell you that all I wish is for my wife to acknowledge the harm that she did and try to make amends for it.
HOWEVER - I am equally petrified of it all as well.. I find myself wanting to believe w, but ultimately the shoe other drops. If/When my w ever does become the woman who can have healthy relationships with people and decides to have one with me - I am sure that will be my most challenging moment in our r.
I don't know if your w is rewriting history or if you do discover some truth to her sayings in regards to the abuse. Again Kudos for you for searching deep within yourself to find the answers.....
.... and if you find there is truth, know that there will be a long journey ahead of you.
25's saying of = constancy + time = changes she can believe in... will apply NOW more than ever.
But know that by changing... you are not only giving your w a gift, but giving the gift to YOURSELF as well.
I think when we focus on doing things just for the other person, we can find ourselves tiring and feeling defeated when they don't respond as hoped.
I have discovered that if I perceive my 180s to be beneficial to the BOTH of us, they are much easier to stick to.
Do not get discouraged with the long journey ahead. Find ways to continue to show compassion and grace to your w as she continues to spew some venom. Remember that she is scared. Create the safest environment possible for her to face those fears and then leave the rest up to her.
((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
