Doing the "Friends" Route Pt 2...

[MynameisMZ]

"Incidentally, a convo with my T this week: The lies he's capable makes me very leery of him as a partner at all. Is this man trustable, at all anymore? To be honest, I don't know. I know the man he was, I know the man he can be, I know the man he isn't when she's not in his life. But... I ALSO know the deception he seems to do with zero thought, or remorse. Gallons of it. That... is one of my HUGE red flags. One of the other reasons he has to hit bottom. And if I'm being totally honest, although I love him, I also know that his ability to be that deceitful and seeing it happen with my own eyes TO me, and to others,... really fed into my inability to trust him when we got back together the first time."

I can identify with THAT! It's what has been holding me back in our piecing this past year. I've wanted him to say in front of her to me that he realizes all his deceit and how he has come out of it and now realizes how wrong he was, how hurtful he was, how much damage he did. It still hurts me. I have a ton of posts about this and every time I posted my feelings, I got 2 X 4s so I stopped posting my feelings. That held me back too. To make me feel bad about how I was feeling. Basically I should feel blessed that he is with me is what I'm told. Yeah but all the times I gave him an out because he was so mean and nasty and how he lied through his teeth that nothing was going on and I asked and asked for months, giving him the chance to set me free with the truth and to allow me to decide what I wanted. When I finally did find out the truth he begged me to give him a chance and then he would run to her and then later at night he would say how crazy I was to have confronted them.
It got insane, completely insane. When she tried to frame me for a crime she committed....and HE KNOWS she did it because he told me so....when she denied it and got all mad he wrote to her, "throw her to the wolves." Meaning me. I asked him what it would feel like if he overheard his parents talking about throwing him to the wolves would feel like. It's that deep of a sick sick sick betrayal. Not only did he break his fidelity with me, but he had to throw me under the bus! Ironically it was her throwing him under the bus that got him to start to come out of the fog. I HATE WHAT HE DID TO US. He should have set it straight. He told me he would make restitution and then kicked that can down the road. I worry about this Abbs, I really worry if anything has really changed.
He says she is gone and he doesn't know where she is. She had that much of a hold on him that he is too coward to stand up to her. Makes me wonder what he is missing. In a counseling session we discussed a letter that he would write to her admitting all the lies and setting the record straight. We would then take that letter to her only friend (who I've known for 38 years) and give it to him and he could send it to her for us. MC asked me what I would think of what she would think. Good question because I don't give a rat's behind what she would think, it would be the act of doing it for me that wold really let me know he is being truthful. I still wonder what he is afraid of.
Well let the floodgates open! Sorry Abbs!