Never thought I'd be here......part 2

[antlers]

I just have a hard time accepting it.

I understand, believe me I do. But when you get hit with the reality of these things as hard as you do...you'll come to accept it. It won't be overnight either, but it'll happen. I remember finally realizing, when I was in the same place you are, regarding the financial and legal matters, that "it's not going to kill me'. And that alone made it more manageable...not less painful, but more manageable. And then as that bad stuff (legal and financial matters) continued as it inevitably does, that realization alone helped me tremendously.
Your feelings are completely understandable, legitimate, and typical.