What do I do next? Part 3

[Accuray]

Luvhurts,

I know how you feel -- I know you want to tell her you love her. It's ok to feel that way. If you want to DB, you need to fight that urge.

Your W is in crisis. She felt like a coiled spring. She assumed she was unhappy because of you. Now you are gone and she's still not happy. She didn't expect that and it's scary. She doesn't know how to be, so right now she's out of control emotionally.

By giving her space and making yourself a safe place, you give her time to figure out that the grass is not greener, that although certain things about you may have been a challenge for her, you were not the sole root of her unhappiness. She needs space more than anything to figure this out for herself. If she's fending off your emotional overtures, it takes the focus back to you and how you make her feel. You want her to concentrate on how she makes herself feel.

I really can't stress this enough, don't tell her you love her right now, you will get the chance to do it later, but not now. If she hugs you or is affectionate, don't escalate. You want her to leave with the feeling that she took a risk and nothing bad happened, that she didn't leave responsible for your feelings, and it made her feel good to be nice to you.

I'll go further and tell you not to thank her or offer positive commentary in any way. Just role with it, change the subject and talk about something else. Tell her about something you did by yourself or with the kids that made you happy. End with a positive vibe.

Accuray