What do I do next? Part 3

[luvhurts49]

I get your point Accuray, but it's just so hard sometimes not to express my feelings to her. I really think that she does this for one of two reasons. Either it's to mess with me or that she really wants to hold me again.

It's hard for me to grasp where we have had all this affection for 20 years, that she finds it so difficult to give me affection when it seems to me that deep down, she still desires it from me.

For me, saying I love you has always been like saying hello or goodbye to someone. Not to say that I say willy nilly or that I don't really mean it, but that it has always been very easy for me to express myself to my W and kids that way. So when you say that she sees that as the dam breaking, it really makes me look at that from a different perspective.

I know she sees me as this giant roadblock to her happiness, that she really thinks that she cannot be happy with me any longer and because of that, she feels that I should give up our kids (custody) so she can be happy. But the reality is, she isn't acting like the mother our kids know and it really bothers me that she takes this cavalier attitude when it comes to our kids.

She doesn't do the things with the kids that she used to and she doesn't pay them the attention that she used to. It's like she wants to have the time with them so I can't.

I'm not saying that she doesn't love our kids because I know she does, but it just doesn't seem like she is really acting like a mother to them, but more like a baby sitter who gets to spoil them.