Never thought I'd be here......part 2

[adinva]

Hey Crimson, sorry about your sitch. It suxxxxx. Here's the thing. You must stop letting W and her L affect your emotions. It is NOT helping you in any way to wallow in that.

Negotiation is a game. Imagine if your L spent extra hours agonizing over each counteroffer, giving himself an ulcer and wailing, how could Other L say that about my client? What is he thinking? Why doesn't he see my side of things? Boo hoo. Five minutes of reading, five days of agony. Ridiculous, huh?

They are simply doing their job. Unfortunately their job makes this ugly thing that's happening even uglier. You do not have to add to it by creating additional drama in your head and trying to interpret it. (I'm sorry, this hurts, it's awful, but don't make it harder on yourself.)

First of all, truth is what is documented. Now you know that. So document what you have paid for so far and going forward. Keep receipts. If you give her cash, document it or get a receipt, not in a punitive way. When L says "you aren't contributing enough" don't get mad or emotional, or wonder WHY he's saying that, just return a spreadsheet that demonstrates that you are or aren't. That's the truth. Does you no good to get mad or sad.

Second, this is a game. Not to you, not to W, but to the lawyers their job is to UNEMOTIONALLY get the most and best for their client. If you're going to react emotionally every time they move a chess piece you are going to give yourself an ulcer and for no good at all.

You will probably be able to handle this better if you look past the wrangling and just try to survive through it. Breathe. Let it happen, and document the truth - expenses, pickup times, dropoff times, activities, whatever might be needed. It suxx but there it is. You're in the process of a divorce.

Might she change her mind at this point and come back? It's not impossible. There are people who've even gone all the way through divorce and come back later. It's not looking right now like she'll change her mind about getting this divorce. You don't have to agree with it, but fighting over costs and custody is NOT going to stop it. Be your best you in each moment as it comes. Stop trying to interpret lawyer's words as trying to hurt you. It's a business transaction to them, nothing more.

Give your W the benefit of the doubt, for your own sake. Whether she put the lawyer up to this latest garbage or not, what is your emotion going to change? Do yourself a favor and assume it's the lawyer. It is not his job to be fair, or to recognize how hard you tried or how sorry you are, or any of that.

Document the truth so you can just hand it over when needed.